“For many people life has a habit of happening to them rather than with them.”
What does that actually mean?
We seem to have taken on the habits of events happening in our life as if we don’t have any control over them. They just happen. “It’s just life. I can’t control it. It’s just who I am”.
Sometimes that’s true. However, unless it’s a physical accident or natural disaster it is very unlikely that something has just happened without any warnings.
There are always warning signs before some major event changes circumstances in our life.
The question, is whether we choose to ignore them or not.
I know when my ex-husband started his affair, I chose to ignore the signs. I buried my head in the sand for a good 12 months before I was able to face it head on.
Signs such as:
- His discomfort in me caressing his face, neck, arm as I walked past him from one room to another.
- His ever growing silence and lack of any forthcoming communication
- His sadness
- His frustration
- My confusion
- and…. My understanding that I was losing him
- My denial
- My inability to eat
- My weight dropping 2 sizes
- My twitchy eye
- My nightmares
- My excuses to fix it so our 3 boys, friends & my parents wouldn’t notice.
- My Acceptance of being told not to phone his work.
- My early nights sat on the stairs listening to his mumbled conversations with her.
- That deep empty feeling in the pit of your stomach
- That sadness
- That helplessness
- That loneliness
- Tired, can’t sleep, jealous, anger, frustration, shame, guilt, low self esteem, and total unworthiness.
“Of course he deserved better…. I wasn’t the woman he met…..”
This is a perfect example of how we let life happen to us. I never faced any of the issues. I hid each one and joined in the dirty little secrets game, never to be discussed, or brought out into the open in anyway because I knew my world would crumble. I knew I didn’t want to cope with that.
I was lost…. totally and utterly lost.
The inevitable happened. He left…. I crumbled. Yes, it took me 10 years to sort myself out afterwards.
NEWSFLASH
to self
Game changer here!
I didn’t have to go through this!
I discovered there is a way of dealing with all of this compassionately, kindly and lovingly before it reaches the catastrophic stages that my life did.
That if couples setting our on life together could make a commitment to each other before they get engaged, live together or get married, to work together on their own emotional health awareness and intelligence, new behaviours of dealing with lifes challenges can happen. It involves using your 6th senses together, supporting each other and communicating in a loving and kind way.
Then, if the inevitable still happens. and a parting of the ways is the only option, it is done, without deceit, without lies, without blame, without losing each others respect.
What a beautiful legacy to leave our children, what we can evolve as human beings without so much trauma, impacting on so many areas of our life – work, school, friends, family, weight, physical illness. The ripple effect is huge on such issues.
What do you think our children will then be able to achieve in life if their communication skills were so beautifully formed it was a natural process for them to share kindly their thoughts, inspirations and doubts?
This process need only take an initial 6 weeks to start the process, and doesn’t need to break the bank to get it underway.
A process of individual sessions, couple sessions and family sessions (if you have kids) so that you are all singing from the same song sheet. You can recognise each others triggers and then help each other through them instead of avoiding them, and the possible old behaviours that were attached to them.
If you’re interested in finding out more, please DM me or email.
Rachel
